You are my priority

It amazes me how much you learn about yourself when you decide to change what you feel has become your "persona" . I have always been that big girl at the party and with that status comes a whole mentality. You either hide away and drown yourself in shyness or you roll with it. I always rolled with it.  Now I see myself as one day being that athletic girl at the party and I am determined to get there. I have found that I am questioning things about myself that were always given's before. When I originally started the diet I figured that it was very personal and just for me but I have since realized that, actually, my motivations are less personal and more family oriented. I want to be energetic enough to keep up with my boy and I want to look good for my man, I want him to be proud of his girl. Of course this has me thinking "are these the right reasons and are they good enough to sustain a permanent life change?" . I hope my family will always be a driving force behind my decision to stay fit because it means that I am prioritizing my health as much as I prioritize having financial stability, time spent with my family or any other reason to keep the family happily together.

Thinking further along those lines I have also considered how my weight has impacted my thought process. For the most part it was a convenient excuse for everything from fatigue to mood swings. So once the weight started coming off my expectations were that I would be blissfully happy with every aspect of my life. That, of course, is just a set up for disappointment. It became clear rather quickly that weight doesn't actually define you, it does help your general attitude and good mood when you feel better about how you look but it doesn't resolve every issue you might have.  I can't rely on weight loss or the couch to 5 km to make me a happy person. This has been a bit of a learning curve in the process. I just assumed that I would always be happy once I lost what I thought was the only monkey on my back.  This is a fantasy. The reality is that in order for me to be a well rounded and over all happier person I need to cherry pick the things in life that make me happy and prioritize them accordingly. I have been having trouble spreading myself too thin since having the baby. Finding that perfect balance has been a MAJOR stumbling block and I still haven't mastered it nearly 2 years later. I am learning each day what is important and what isn't but sometimes it feels like everything is important and that's where I have been falling down. So, I have started with the diet, I moved on to the exercise and it still isn't good enough.  So, just for the record, my priorities today and for the years to come are:

My son's happiness and well being
My health and happiness
My man's happiness, health and love

Everything else can go to hell....