Telling myself "You can't do it" has gotten me nowhere when it comes to self image. This year I turned 39 and decided to tell myself "You can at least TRY". This is a chronicle of my attempt at getting into shape, sticking to my goals and all the trials and triumphs that come along with it.
Friday 26 August 2011
Running in the sun
As a newbie runner I have really struggled over the summer with the intense trauma that is running in the heat. I did it though, regularly. I felt like a total warrior out there at 5 a.m. and it was already 25c. The hardest runs were the mid day high heat jogs that left me wondering if I was going into heat stroke. The last few days have been dramatically cooler so the running has been more comfortable. BUT, as a result of the extreme heat I hadn't been pushing myself as hard over the summer. I hadn't wanted to get into any dangerous territory of dehydration and heat exhaustion, a very real possibility in the summer sun. So, although I have run 5K I haven't pushed myself that hard in weeks. I fear that I have plateaued at 3-4km as a standard run 3-5x a week. It isn't bad for a person of my weight and inexperience I feel but I am ready to try to kick it back up a notch. This week I have introduced back into the mix some sprints at the end of the 3-4km. These are great for burning a load of extra calories and building up some better cardio. The one drawback to them is that I suffer from more aches and pains after the fact, particularly in my hip flexors. I figure that the more I work those muscles the quicker they will loosen up and the aches will eventually be gone....well that's the plan anyway.
Thursday 18 August 2011
The Baby
Ian is my little boy and, he lights up my life. Oh my how things have changed in the 2+ years since his arrival. Preian (my new word for my life before baby) I had bags of time and nothing to do with it so, I wasted so hours shopping, lounging, cooking and grinding away randomly at life. Preian I had successfully lost 40 pounds on Weight Watchers and had kept it off for 3 years give or take 5 pounds. I took the time to walk everyday, I took the time to shop for all the right foods, research recipes, cook two meals a regular meal for the man and a low fat version for me. I didn't consider any of this pampering, just life. I wanted to be thinner and this is the way I knew how to do get that done. Then the baby came and everything shifted to the left. But let's back track a bit, let's go back a few years to 2008...
When, at 35, we decided to try for a baby, we knew things might not go according to plan given my age. It took us 5 months to conceive our first pregnancy and we were so over joyed. But...10 weeks in I misscarried. A "blighted ovum" they said..never really there. "Your body thinks it's pregnant so it behaves like it is....but there was no baby" WHAT? I was crushed, I was confused...I mourned and gained 10 pounds. Within 3 months I was pregnant again...this time around I was so much more reserved, I didn't tell anyone except my mom and a few close friends. I wanted to believe everything was fine but how could I after my first pregnancy. At 11 weeks we found out that there was a baby but that at 8.5 weeks it had stopped growing. This time I was not only confused but scared. I mourned and gained 10 pounds and stopped exercising. Within 3 months I was pregnant again. I was frightened and convinced I was going to have to go through another tragic miscarriage. I prepared for the worst and was never more over joyed when I saw a little flickering heartbeat. From that little flicker on he has lite up my life. The journey to becoming a mom was sad for me but in the end I was blessed with a healthy and happy baby.
Parenthood is not always easy. In fact a lot of the time is is simply exhausting. The rewards of parenting make the experience so worthwhile, little things like the first smile, the first real hug and the first full night sleep since birth. Parenting is an adjustment and one my partner and I are still getting used to. In the first 6 months I was too tired to exercise and that was no excuse. I was struggling a bit with postpartum, I was heavier then I had ever been and I lacked motivation. Eating and drinking were comforting and I just couldn't find time in my new reality to fit exercise in. A year of maternity leave meant I was right next to the fridge all day long. When I was back at work I had another adjustment period as I settled into my new new routine of a working mother. Once I wasn't in the house everyday and with Ian every minute of everyday I realized quickly that I was regaining some of my independence back. Babies don't stay babies for long and each month brought something new. Sometimes it was freedom like when he began sitting up on his own and didn't need me to prop him; like when he started walking and he didn't need me to carry him from point A to B; like when he began insisting on feeding himself. Some changes brought less freedoms like when he began exploring, opening drawers, pressing buttons, bolting for the back gate, climbing on the couch, needing help but not wanting help. But all in all I was gaining back "me time" which gave me the incentive I needed to reflect on how horrible I was feeling about myself, weight gain is depressing.
Children also make you realize that you dying just isn't an option. This little life needs you and your absence would leave a hole too big to fix in his or her life. My weight was at a level that was a serious risk to my health and I needed to get control and now before it was too late. Also, the bigger Ian gets the faster he moves. If I want to be a responsible, involved and active parent I need to be able to keep up with him. I need to be lighter, leaner, more agile and , By God, I need to be fast. I'm at the - 30 pound mark and Ian is at the +30 pound mark, we are neck and neck. For every pound I lose I get faster, for every pound (and inch) he gains he gets faster. I am so relieved I am running after my little toddler at the weight and fitness level I am today and NOT the weight I was this time last year.
When, at 35, we decided to try for a baby, we knew things might not go according to plan given my age. It took us 5 months to conceive our first pregnancy and we were so over joyed. But...10 weeks in I misscarried. A "blighted ovum" they said..never really there. "Your body thinks it's pregnant so it behaves like it is....but there was no baby" WHAT? I was crushed, I was confused...I mourned and gained 10 pounds. Within 3 months I was pregnant again...this time around I was so much more reserved, I didn't tell anyone except my mom and a few close friends. I wanted to believe everything was fine but how could I after my first pregnancy. At 11 weeks we found out that there was a baby but that at 8.5 weeks it had stopped growing. This time I was not only confused but scared. I mourned and gained 10 pounds and stopped exercising. Within 3 months I was pregnant again. I was frightened and convinced I was going to have to go through another tragic miscarriage. I prepared for the worst and was never more over joyed when I saw a little flickering heartbeat. From that little flicker on he has lite up my life. The journey to becoming a mom was sad for me but in the end I was blessed with a healthy and happy baby.
Parenthood is not always easy. In fact a lot of the time is is simply exhausting. The rewards of parenting make the experience so worthwhile, little things like the first smile, the first real hug and the first full night sleep since birth. Parenting is an adjustment and one my partner and I are still getting used to. In the first 6 months I was too tired to exercise and that was no excuse. I was struggling a bit with postpartum, I was heavier then I had ever been and I lacked motivation. Eating and drinking were comforting and I just couldn't find time in my new reality to fit exercise in. A year of maternity leave meant I was right next to the fridge all day long. When I was back at work I had another adjustment period as I settled into my new new routine of a working mother. Once I wasn't in the house everyday and with Ian every minute of everyday I realized quickly that I was regaining some of my independence back. Babies don't stay babies for long and each month brought something new. Sometimes it was freedom like when he began sitting up on his own and didn't need me to prop him; like when he started walking and he didn't need me to carry him from point A to B; like when he began insisting on feeding himself. Some changes brought less freedoms like when he began exploring, opening drawers, pressing buttons, bolting for the back gate, climbing on the couch, needing help but not wanting help. But all in all I was gaining back "me time" which gave me the incentive I needed to reflect on how horrible I was feeling about myself, weight gain is depressing.
Children also make you realize that you dying just isn't an option. This little life needs you and your absence would leave a hole too big to fix in his or her life. My weight was at a level that was a serious risk to my health and I needed to get control and now before it was too late. Also, the bigger Ian gets the faster he moves. If I want to be a responsible, involved and active parent I need to be able to keep up with him. I need to be lighter, leaner, more agile and , By God, I need to be fast. I'm at the - 30 pound mark and Ian is at the +30 pound mark, we are neck and neck. For every pound I lose I get faster, for every pound (and inch) he gains he gets faster. I am so relieved I am running after my little toddler at the weight and fitness level I am today and NOT the weight I was this time last year.
Tuesday 16 August 2011
What is this walking thing?
For some people the idea of running is just too big a hurdle to over come, I was of that mind set for years so instead of "running" I walked everywhere...fast. I didn't even realize how fast I was actually going, How close I was to running all those years. I could have run 5km all along! I guess for those who have read my blog and have thought "I could never run 5km" I say...guess again...you might be walking faster then you could ever run it !
Monday 15 August 2011
Why it matters
Last week at my Weight Watchers meeting my speaker Nancy, wasn't there. I realized how much Nancy has to do with my success on the Weight Watchers program because she really attacks the root of your weight problem at the human level; she doesn't stop at the calorie counter or the fat content like so many other trainers, nutritionists and speakers at Weight Watchers. Weight gain is obviously too much input not enough output but the WHY is what Nancy delves into. I never thought about the why I eat too many calories too much until Nancy's talks, I didn't really care about the why's. Now, I question my choices...why do I want that doughnut at 1 pm, because I feel like I need a treat to get me through the afternoon. So, if it is a treat I need, then it is a treat I shall have but it will be a treat that fits into the plan and I will limit that treat to the time I most need it. Knowing the WHY means I can either avoid or meet the temptation head on. Meeting it head on means finding ways to have the treat that fit the lifestyle or being OK with the cheat and the repercussions. Knowing the fat count or the calorie count is important but , somehow, knowing that information keeps this a diet and not a lifestyle change. Knowing the WHY's of temptation help to make it a realistic, attainable and permanent change. Thank you Nancy for teaching this hard headed woman how to really look at her cravings with a clear and objective eye.
Monday 8 August 2011
Nearly lost my way
So , it is a little beyond mid summer and I am struggling with my diet AND now my exercise. I haven't been to a Weight Watchers meeting in 5 weeks. I admit it, on my 2 week vacation I easily cheated, badly, 8-9 days out of 14. I did continue to run, kinda, but I had promised myself I would do a 5k race that had been professionally organized in my area and I chickened out. I have made excuse after excuse for weeks now "It's summer, enjoy yourself", "It's a party, enjoy yourself" , "It's too hot, don't kill yourself instead ENJOY YOURSELF". I really am very convincing, and a bad influence. At this point I have only seen a very, very slight increase at the scale but I know that time will catch up to me and a lot of hard work that I have laid down in previous weeks will be lost to my own lack of will power and willingness to give up. I am truly disappointed in myself because feel like I have let the momentum drop and it is so hard to get it going again once you've lost the spark. It's not even that I wasn't seeing results or receiving compliments, to the contrary, I was losing weight every week and getting great feed back daily from people. I just wanted a vacation from my new lifestyle I guess. I can't say it any plainer then that. I was diet fatigued and the running is murder in the heat. I was having nightmares thinking about being the last runner in the 5k. I was convinced that all the 5k runners were experts that would leave me choking on their dust and i'd get those "Well at least you did it" pep talks.
See how convincing I can be....
So, without making any promises I can't keep I have decided that I have to set some new sights, some new ground rules and almost start from scratch. First, I have to be OK with my occasional cheats, this is part of life. I am going to waver, I am going to convince myself that eating a brick of cheese with a box of Ritz crackers is a great idea....I just have to keep it to specific reasons. LIKE Vacation, or weekends. Although I would LOVE to run the Terry Fox, I don't think I can do it. My maximum run so far has been 6.5 km so I just don't have the training in for a 10k at this point. That doesn't mean I will never do it, it just means I have to train more in order to try. I must get back to Weight Watchers meetings, they are the heart and soul of m diet plan. The community is fabulous, the speaker is inspirational and funny. I need them to keep me on track and inspired.
I must keep writing this blog weekly if not daily. It is another resource for keeping me accountable. I have let it slide along with all of my other neglects.On to another day, looking forward towards continued weight loss and healthy living.
See how convincing I can be....
So, without making any promises I can't keep I have decided that I have to set some new sights, some new ground rules and almost start from scratch. First, I have to be OK with my occasional cheats, this is part of life. I am going to waver, I am going to convince myself that eating a brick of cheese with a box of Ritz crackers is a great idea....I just have to keep it to specific reasons. LIKE Vacation, or weekends. Although I would LOVE to run the Terry Fox, I don't think I can do it. My maximum run so far has been 6.5 km so I just don't have the training in for a 10k at this point. That doesn't mean I will never do it, it just means I have to train more in order to try. I must get back to Weight Watchers meetings, they are the heart and soul of m diet plan. The community is fabulous, the speaker is inspirational and funny. I need them to keep me on track and inspired.
I must keep writing this blog weekly if not daily. It is another resource for keeping me accountable. I have let it slide along with all of my other neglects.On to another day, looking forward towards continued weight loss and healthy living.
Crunching the numbers
Anyone who has been on any kind of weight loss program has an umoveable number that they never think they will ever get to cross....I am 5 pounds away from my unmoveable number. It is exciting to be so close but a little frustrating to be, what I know is, a few weeks away from getting below the number (my weight loss has slowed way down now) .I have noticed that the numbers are playing a huge role in the diet head game for me...can I run 5 km?, how many ozs have I lost this week?, do I count that point in my plan? I am constantly crunching the numbers , all day long. When I stop counting I end up cheating, it's the way I roll. I need to add up those activity points for running (translation, more food!!), or I won't bother running at all, I need to get on that scale daily in order to remain accountable for any weight gain or celebrate any weight loss, I need to count those calories or I over eat. As long as I have a mental spreadsheet running in my head at all times I remain on track.
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