I was somewhat surprised to realize today that running is EXACTLY like everything else in my life...if I am mentally committed to it it's easy, if my head isn't in the game it is impossible.This week has been an exercise in mental gymnastics. I have spent time abusing myself for not losing fast enough, admiring my new body in the bathroom mirror, lamenting the fact that I can't eat everything I want when I want it, congratulating myself on losing another .5 pounds and then criticizing myself for it not losing a full pound. The inner dialogue is a dramatic roller coaster of Jekyll and Hyde thinking. It can play out on the road as well, I can make it to that blue car...oh no you can't. I actually caught myself in this internal dialogue:
"Just to the end of the block"
" Bullshit!"
What do you mean bullshit"
"Well the last time you said "just to the end of the block" you made me run all the way home...so I call Bullshit".....
" Well this time will be different, this time when I say "end of the block" that's what I mean"
"Bullshit....you're stopping now because I don't BELIEVE you"
So I stopped and walked for two blocks the whole time berating myself for not "making it". It's ridiculous how this internal dialogue effects everything. I can talk myself into or out of almost anything if I let the dialogue get the better of me. So the only way I have found to combat the internal dialogue is to day dream on my runs (I'm running in a marathon kicking everyone's ass is my favourite). For food I just do my best to have the right kinds of food in the house but this doesn't always work. So I ALWAYS have treats, they are just less fattening treats then the used to be. It's amazing how awesome a chocolate wafer tastes when you know it's the only thing you have in the house. Bottom line this is where the die in diet comes into play....you must now flex your discipline muscles and make sure you ignore that internal dialogue and commit yourself to the greater good. This is what normal, healthy active people do every day. I am sure it is a battle too for them it's just that they have more practice at it and they're discipline muscles are bigger and stronger.
My facebook status update today is this
"It takes more energy to come up with excuses and feel guilty about them then to just get out and do it."
Telling myself "You can't do it" has gotten me nowhere when it comes to self image. This year I turned 39 and decided to tell myself "You can at least TRY". This is a chronicle of my attempt at getting into shape, sticking to my goals and all the trials and triumphs that come along with it.
Wednesday 25 May 2011
Monday 16 May 2011
All You Can't Eat Anonymous
So as the weeks drift by and the pain staking process of dropping the pounds keeps hammering on and on I have lost focus. I am trying my best but I find that the diet is relentless. I have reached the point where I feel I may start to slip back into my evil ways. So, I am enlisting friends to help me along the way. Anyone who I can corner and blab to about my diet talk, I do...then I try to enlist them. I NEED buddies to keep me on track and in my opinion, the more the merrier. My dream is to have legions of like minded people watching each other carefully in order to help them stay on track to their goals, sharing stories, recipes, exercise tips. I would get personal where if you feel a cheat coming on you could call your support buddy. If you gain 10 pounds on your cruise to the Bahamas then the Boot Camp drill sergeant will be all over your ass when you get back...i'll call it "All You Can't Eat Anonymous" .... who's with me?
Everyone I talk to about food has some kind of relationship with it. In this society of over eating we have to form an opinion or maybe a line of defense is a better way of describing how one deals with food. It isn't easy to change a pattern, sometimes you need support and the best kind of support, in my books, comes from people who understand, who've been there, who are going through it with you.
So that's where we're at now....struggling along trying to resist the compulsion to over eat, usually succeeding and trying not to beat myself up when I don't. I can feel my resistance starting to wane and having the self awareness of that fact gives me hope. I will keep on enlisting my friends to join my army to fight the battle of the bulge, we will succeeedddddd!
Everyone I talk to about food has some kind of relationship with it. In this society of over eating we have to form an opinion or maybe a line of defense is a better way of describing how one deals with food. It isn't easy to change a pattern, sometimes you need support and the best kind of support, in my books, comes from people who understand, who've been there, who are going through it with you.
So that's where we're at now....struggling along trying to resist the compulsion to over eat, usually succeeding and trying not to beat myself up when I don't. I can feel my resistance starting to wane and having the self awareness of that fact gives me hope. I will keep on enlisting my friends to join my army to fight the battle of the bulge, we will succeeedddddd!
Monday 9 May 2011
Jeanetics
I had a wake up call last week...no weight loss, in fact weight GAIN! I was frustrated, mad, shocked, disappointed, perplexed and felt like giving up. Then I pondered over what went wrong, how can I be running 20 km's a week and still gain weight? How could it be possible to add pounds when I sweat my butt off 30-45 minutes 4 times a week? ARRRGHHHHH!
I chalk it up to two things: Just because I have run for 1/2 an hour doesn't give me carte blanche at dinner time and, I just don't have it in the genes, that is my reality.
So here I am festering over the fact that people like my fiance can eat lovely whopping slabs of jammy toast and 2 eggs (his breakfast this morning) while I sit there, after running for 1/2 hour, nibbling on a slice of bread for diabetics, how is this fair? Well, if I had always nibbled on diabetic bread I wouldn't be in this predicament of being over weight. That being said, my fiance is also equipped with a fast burning metabolism and an "off" switch when it comes to eating at meal time. I am equipped with a love of food and "i've had enough" comes 10 minutes too late at most mealtimes. Genetics play a deeper role here, if you have the right genes to fit into the right jeans (sorry, I could NOT resist) your weight just isn't an issue for you, thank your lucky stars for that little daily miracle. Just a word of advice for my lovely fiance from a ravenous, disgruntled dieting girlfriend on the warpath, practice your ducking reflexes for those mealtimes when a fork, carefully aimed, comes flying across the dinner table......
I love you and i'm just kidding, a dinner roll has much better balance.
I chalk it up to two things: Just because I have run for 1/2 an hour doesn't give me carte blanche at dinner time and, I just don't have it in the genes, that is my reality.
So here I am festering over the fact that people like my fiance can eat lovely whopping slabs of jammy toast and 2 eggs (his breakfast this morning) while I sit there, after running for 1/2 hour, nibbling on a slice of bread for diabetics, how is this fair? Well, if I had always nibbled on diabetic bread I wouldn't be in this predicament of being over weight. That being said, my fiance is also equipped with a fast burning metabolism and an "off" switch when it comes to eating at meal time. I am equipped with a love of food and "i've had enough" comes 10 minutes too late at most mealtimes. Genetics play a deeper role here, if you have the right genes to fit into the right jeans (sorry, I could NOT resist) your weight just isn't an issue for you, thank your lucky stars for that little daily miracle. Just a word of advice for my lovely fiance from a ravenous, disgruntled dieting girlfriend on the warpath, practice your ducking reflexes for those mealtimes when a fork, carefully aimed, comes flying across the dinner table......
I love you and i'm just kidding, a dinner roll has much better balance.
Sunday 8 May 2011
Dear Ian
Dear Ian,
Today is mother's day and for the second time in my life I have been able to celebrate along with all the other moms out there. I am so proud and happy to be, not only a mother, but your mother. I feel that I owe YOU a gift today and so I will give you what I think is the best gift I can offer...I promise to be the healthiest I have ever been this year. I promise that by the end of the month of May 2011 I will have run 5KM without stopping, I promise to stay on my diet and lose those pounds that have been threatening my health and therefore my future as your mom. I hope that I can stay motivated so that I become a role model for health and fitness in your life. I want you to watch me enjoy the process of exercise and eventually want to join me. Maybe by then I will actually be able to chat while we run....right now it's all I can do to keep my legs up but I am still learning. One day I want to be the one to teach you.
Thanks kiddo, you have inspired me to change and in 39 years NOTHING has been able to do that.
Love, mommamomma
Today is mother's day and for the second time in my life I have been able to celebrate along with all the other moms out there. I am so proud and happy to be, not only a mother, but your mother. I feel that I owe YOU a gift today and so I will give you what I think is the best gift I can offer...I promise to be the healthiest I have ever been this year. I promise that by the end of the month of May 2011 I will have run 5KM without stopping, I promise to stay on my diet and lose those pounds that have been threatening my health and therefore my future as your mom. I hope that I can stay motivated so that I become a role model for health and fitness in your life. I want you to watch me enjoy the process of exercise and eventually want to join me. Maybe by then I will actually be able to chat while we run....right now it's all I can do to keep my legs up but I am still learning. One day I want to be the one to teach you.
Thanks kiddo, you have inspired me to change and in 39 years NOTHING has been able to do that.
Love, mommamomma
Wednesday 4 May 2011
Getting Started - advice from an amature
Recently I have been asked by a couple of people who have been following my C25K progress how to get started, what are the first steps. I don't know much about jogging, I am still very much a beginner, but what I do know is how to get started with the couch to 5k program.
My first piece of advice is to invest in the right gear: good shoes, stop watch and comfortable running clothes including rain gear. The shoes are the most important, to go to a store like the Running Room www.runningroom.com to buy a decent pair of shoes that are best suited to your running style. The Running Room offers advice from employees who have been trained to analyze the gait of your walk and suggest shoes that offer support where you may need it most. For example, when my fiance Dave began running he had problems with sharp pains in his knees. We decided to check out the Running Room for new shoes where the specialist (who was also an avid runner) discovered that when walking Dave's arches collapsed inwards which would be exaggerated when running and therefore the specialist recommended a pair of jogging shoes that would give extra support to his arches. Low and behold, the sharp knee pain subsided dramatically. So, first step (pun intended) get your butt down to the Running Room, bring at least 150$ Canadian and get a decent pair of shoes.
Second piece of advice is setting goals for each of your runs that are realistic, attainable, adaptable and based on a method of tracking either through timing, reaching landmarks or miles under your belt. The couch to 5 km program relies heavily on timing your run as a method for reaching your goals. In the first few weeks you are timing by the seconds and work your way up to minutes, then on to km's. I quickly abandoned the timing routine in favour of using landmarks for goals as I didn't have a stop watch that I liked. I recommend that you either invest in a stop watch with a clear, well lit, easy to read face or run using landmarks. Although I am a HUGE fan of the C25K idea I haven't been following the routine in all honesty. So this got me thinking how is my progress in comparison to the program...I was delighted to find out that I am pretty much on track for the last workout of the 6 week mark:
Today I ran 3.6 km (2.25miles) in 30 minutes stopping once at the half way mark for a breather.
C25K Work out says I should be doing this at week 6 (Full program at the folliwng link www.coolrunning.com)
Work out 1
Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then:
Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then:
Brisk five-minute warmup walk,
then jog 2-1/4 miles (or 25 minutes) with no walking.
So using landmarks worked well for me, I was able to push myself further by thinking, I will not stop until I reach the end of this block, I will not stop until I have circled the block twice etc....
My third point is to keep track of your progress. I have been using the blog as a diary of my progress but I have begun to use the website www.mapmyrun.com as a way of setting up runs, tracking the distance of my runs and, in the weeks to come, to keep track of my timing. My new goal is to start to pick up speed on the road and shave minutes off of my time. Keeping notes will be a way of increasing distance by mapping routes that are more challenging, discovering a good time of day for you to run (I am great right before dinner) and reading or viewing how far you have come from the hard beginning in either a written diary like this one or in charts and graphs using sites like mapmyrun.
My final piece of advice is this, do not to let your expectations dictate what you can or can't do. If I followed my extremely low expectations of myself I would still be in the first week or even have abandoned the program all together. I surprise myself daily on how much further I am able to go physically then what my brain says I can do. In the beginning it worked the opposite, I thought I could make the end of the block and when I couldn't I was disappointed in myself. You will do what you can do, in most cases you will do better then you thought you could.
Jogging is an amazing sport. It requires very little financial investment, you can do it straight from your front door or even in your home if you have the equipment. It is extremely challenging, an awesome workout, very goal oriented. It builds muscle, melts fat, brings your heart rate up, gets you moving in ways you haven't for a long time or, in my case, ever. Good luck road warrior.
My first piece of advice is to invest in the right gear: good shoes, stop watch and comfortable running clothes including rain gear. The shoes are the most important, to go to a store like the Running Room www.runningroom.com to buy a decent pair of shoes that are best suited to your running style. The Running Room offers advice from employees who have been trained to analyze the gait of your walk and suggest shoes that offer support where you may need it most. For example, when my fiance Dave began running he had problems with sharp pains in his knees. We decided to check out the Running Room for new shoes where the specialist (who was also an avid runner) discovered that when walking Dave's arches collapsed inwards which would be exaggerated when running and therefore the specialist recommended a pair of jogging shoes that would give extra support to his arches. Low and behold, the sharp knee pain subsided dramatically. So, first step (pun intended) get your butt down to the Running Room, bring at least 150$ Canadian and get a decent pair of shoes.
Second piece of advice is setting goals for each of your runs that are realistic, attainable, adaptable and based on a method of tracking either through timing, reaching landmarks or miles under your belt. The couch to 5 km program relies heavily on timing your run as a method for reaching your goals. In the first few weeks you are timing by the seconds and work your way up to minutes, then on to km's. I quickly abandoned the timing routine in favour of using landmarks for goals as I didn't have a stop watch that I liked. I recommend that you either invest in a stop watch with a clear, well lit, easy to read face or run using landmarks. Although I am a HUGE fan of the C25K idea I haven't been following the routine in all honesty. So this got me thinking how is my progress in comparison to the program...I was delighted to find out that I am pretty much on track for the last workout of the 6 week mark:
Today I ran 3.6 km (2.25miles) in 30 minutes stopping once at the half way mark for a breather.
C25K Work out says I should be doing this at week 6 (Full program at the folliwng link www.coolrunning.com)
Work out 1
Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then:
- Jog 1/2 mile (or 5 minutes)
- Walk 1/4 mile (or 3 minutes)
- Jog 3/4 mile (or 8 minutes)
- Walk 1/4 mile (or 3 minutes)
- Jog 1/2 mile (or 5 minutes)
Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then:
- Jog 1 mile (or 10 minutes)
- Walk 1/4 mile (or 3 minutes)
- Jog 1 mile (or 10 minutes)
Brisk five-minute warmup walk,
then jog 2-1/4 miles (or 25 minutes) with no walking.
So using landmarks worked well for me, I was able to push myself further by thinking, I will not stop until I reach the end of this block, I will not stop until I have circled the block twice etc....
My third point is to keep track of your progress. I have been using the blog as a diary of my progress but I have begun to use the website www.mapmyrun.com as a way of setting up runs, tracking the distance of my runs and, in the weeks to come, to keep track of my timing. My new goal is to start to pick up speed on the road and shave minutes off of my time. Keeping notes will be a way of increasing distance by mapping routes that are more challenging, discovering a good time of day for you to run (I am great right before dinner) and reading or viewing how far you have come from the hard beginning in either a written diary like this one or in charts and graphs using sites like mapmyrun.
My final piece of advice is this, do not to let your expectations dictate what you can or can't do. If I followed my extremely low expectations of myself I would still be in the first week or even have abandoned the program all together. I surprise myself daily on how much further I am able to go physically then what my brain says I can do. In the beginning it worked the opposite, I thought I could make the end of the block and when I couldn't I was disappointed in myself. You will do what you can do, in most cases you will do better then you thought you could.
Jogging is an amazing sport. It requires very little financial investment, you can do it straight from your front door or even in your home if you have the equipment. It is extremely challenging, an awesome workout, very goal oriented. It builds muscle, melts fat, brings your heart rate up, gets you moving in ways you haven't for a long time or, in my case, ever. Good luck road warrior.
Tuesday 3 May 2011
Transformations
Dear Reader,
I will "pimp" my blog and add photos in the days to come. It is a matter of reorganizing and finding time to invest in the process...but I promise I will rework the look of this blog!!
My blog should look as good as I have been feeling lately. Here is just a short list of how my life is better since losing about half of the weight I intend to lose:
- I am fitting into my skinny wardrobe
- I no longer pant when I play with my son, climb stairs, lug the groceries in from the car. Simple tasks no longer exhaust me!
- I am starting to see what the real me looks like under all of this lovely upholstering that I have been carrying for years. I really AM big-Boned!! hahaha
- All my joints ache less even after running.
- I am more confident.
- I am more relaxed
- I am more often in a good mood
- I am proud of myself for reaching goals I never thought possible and being driven by that success to reach further still.
I am not where I need to be yet, I am not where I want to be yet...yes they are different goals. I NEED to lose another 20 pounds to within a weight that would ward off health issues related to weight. I want to lose another 35 pounds to be at the weight I would consider my absolute perfect size. 35 pounds would put me in the realm where i would really be transformed. I wouldn't even recognize myself if I were down another 35 pounds. The thought even scares me a bit...would that be too much of a transformation away from the person I have grown into, built a personality around? Can I even do it? At this point it seems ridiculous considering that despite my best efforts I have been staying at or even gaining ounces over the last week. Time will tell.
I will "pimp" my blog and add photos in the days to come. It is a matter of reorganizing and finding time to invest in the process...but I promise I will rework the look of this blog!!
My blog should look as good as I have been feeling lately. Here is just a short list of how my life is better since losing about half of the weight I intend to lose:
- I am fitting into my skinny wardrobe
- I no longer pant when I play with my son, climb stairs, lug the groceries in from the car. Simple tasks no longer exhaust me!
- I am starting to see what the real me looks like under all of this lovely upholstering that I have been carrying for years. I really AM big-Boned!! hahaha
- All my joints ache less even after running.
- I am more confident.
- I am more relaxed
- I am more often in a good mood
- I am proud of myself for reaching goals I never thought possible and being driven by that success to reach further still.
I am not where I need to be yet, I am not where I want to be yet...yes they are different goals. I NEED to lose another 20 pounds to within a weight that would ward off health issues related to weight. I want to lose another 35 pounds to be at the weight I would consider my absolute perfect size. 35 pounds would put me in the realm where i would really be transformed. I wouldn't even recognize myself if I were down another 35 pounds. The thought even scares me a bit...would that be too much of a transformation away from the person I have grown into, built a personality around? Can I even do it? At this point it seems ridiculous considering that despite my best efforts I have been staying at or even gaining ounces over the last week. Time will tell.
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