Still at it, getting somewhere

It has been too long between posts, I know that. I am not a great diary writer but I have started this and I am determined to continue.

I am still on track with my jogging experiment. I am, however, in full *summer* mode and have therefore taken the opportunity to try new things to keep my exercise routine FRESH. I am power walking at least once a week in replace of a jog. I have found that although I am a really slow and lumbering jogger I am an incredibly fast and stellar power walker. It comes far more naturally to me, I don't suffer with the same aches and groans from my body while I am on a walk. I am tempted to keep the walking up but drop the more difficult and painful running. But that wouldn't be the point; I am not looking for easier, I am looking for challenging because a challenge conquered is more rewarding and gives me reason to keep at it. I have started taking swimming classes. I have always loved swimming, I am a good swimmer but I could use some tips. The first time in the pool doing laps and I nearly drowned...I was panting and gasping by the end of the FIRST LENGTH...pathetic.  But I have gotten a few great pointers and I am gliding through the water now like a mermaid. I am biking about 30km a week just to throw a bit of a change into the road work.

So, in other words...the exercise portion of my lifestyle change is going smoothly and has been successful.

That leaves us with the diet. I am waning on the diet. I find it tiresome and frustrating. I have an appetite for the rich and decadent and a taste for more then my metabolism can withstand. As much as I say no one minute I am tempted the next.  Then, when I do go off on a bit of a binge I feel so guilty now where I didn't before. I think to myself "you are doing all this physical work to get into shape and your mouth is blowing it."

What I have been trying to do is to merge a lifestyle that  like into a diet plan that feels natural and normal and not like a "diet". I want to be able to eat what I want without pulling out a calculator or writing it down. But my reality isn't that...my reality is that I have to keep track and when I don't I am not able to maintain weight loss and , in fact, will gain weight if I am not very careful and consistent watching my calories. The balancing act seems to be eluding me at the moment. The sweet spot between diet and lifestyle that I am sure is the holy grail to ever lasting weight control. If I can't find that balance I know this diet won't work. The exercise has been a breeze but this damn diet.......

What I have learned so far is that I can do just about anything physically that I set my mind to do (with in reason). I am still training my brain to settle for less calories and fewer treats...to relearn how to eat and when to eat. It is a constant up hill battle for me and I am starting to get tired.

Involving the Family

I read this recently and it had brough me to tears.

http://www.penmachine.com/2011/05/the-last-post

 I read this man's final post from a 10 year blog, the last few years of it chronicling his battle with cancer. As sad and devastating as this last post is I came away from it thinking that this man Derek had it right in the end. He spent his final days reflecting on the joys in his life and realizing how lucky he was to have experienced his life, as short as it would be. Sometimes the daily grind can feel like it is turning me into dust. I have let it wear me down and that is my fault nobody else can take the blame for that one. I sometimes forget why I have spent the last 6 months getting a handle on my weight, it isn't for my vanity, it isn't so I can buy smaller jeans or run in a marathon...or suffer needlessly as it feels like I do sometimes. It is so I will be healthy enough to spend quality time with my son and live a long life so I can watch him grow. The one thing about this plan is that it doesn't factor in the unexpected, Derek's last blog posting brought that home to me. I found it incredibly profound reading about a father, a husband, a friend, a son living his final days so there wouldn't be any regret. They only way to do that is to appreciate every minute of it. To not let the daily grind effect you, get caught up in that.

So keeping this life lesson in my mind's eye, when Ian woke up at 5 a.m. instead of considering this  an obstacle for my exercise routine, I packed him up and took him with me.  We had a great time out on the road AND I was able to speed walk 5.56km in 48 minutes while pushing a baby carriage! It was a great way of spending some time with the little guy, he enjoyed the wild life that only comes out at 5 in the morning and I enjoyed showing it to him while exercising. If I could I would thank Derek for his last blog entry. It has made me slow down and involve Ian into my plans. To stop every day to appreciate what I have while I have it and to see the small pictures inside the big picture.

Aches and Pains

Since I have begun this jogging thing I have never felt so fit, or old! Every run has the inevitable repercussion of the aches and pains of using muscles that haven't been used in years...or ever before.  I believe that all new runners suffer with something, sore knees, heels, aching gluts or quads. In my case it's the hip flexors. After a major , or even a minor, jog there lives two sharp points of pain just where you put your hands on your hips before you tell someone off. Two burning balls that make me groan and wince when I get up from a chair or bed or walk from the kitchen to the living room. The next day after first few runs the ache was unbearable. I felt hobbled and crept around for a couple of days. Despite the pain I would push on and run the next day and the next. I have learned that I cannot do this to my body, it isn't happy being tortured. Instead, if I do a long run, then I give myself 2 days between runs. I will walk or bike instead. This way, by the next opportunity I have to lace up the shoes, my hips feel better and I can run without feeling like I am going to die. Slowing the pace down felt, at first, like failure. Now I realize that IF I respect my body's capabilities it will take me farther.

Thank You

  This week's Weight Watcher meeting focused on the people in your life who help you or sabotage you on your weight loss journey. I didn't connect with the sabotage portion of the topic in terms of people trying to derail my efforts because everyone in my life has been incredibly encouraging towards my success and actively helping me to reach my goals. I am so lucky to have such a supportive and loving man in my life who I can share my triumphs with and who props me up when I am feeling like I can't accomplish my goals. He gives me the confidence to try anything and the acknowledgment when I succeed. My man is also a major role model. He keeps his weight in check with sheer will power and always has...impressive. He ran in a 1/2 marathon 2 weeks after our son was born...inspiring (although a little insane). He is fit and physical and I admire that, I am inspired by it and I strive to be in the same realm if not equal to him, Thank you Dave.

The only person trying to sabotage my success is me. I am the only one who talks myself into cheats or skipping runs. I take ownership of and responsibility for my own actions here. I know that part of a life change is wrestling with my own will to be lazy and eat out of habit. I have been successful to some degree, I have lost 24 pounds so far from Jan 5, I am proud of that. I have run 5KM, I am extremely proud of that. I feel at this point that I have control over the exercise portion of my lifestyle change. That being said I feel that I have always enjoyed the active life. I have joined gyms and included daily activity in my life for years. I am more serious and methodical with the activity level then ever before and that is the direct change I have made in the last 6 months. Where I am sabotaging myself is with food. I am constantly justifying treats and cheat. I am constantly at battle with myself to not over eat or slip up. It is wearying and frustrating. I knew I had a lot of work to do to reign in that part of my brain but I never realized how much work it would be. The exercise has helped me get to where I am today but if I don't get control of the relationship I have with food I fear for my future success in this change.

I will keep plugging along.

meeting the goal, setting new sights

I am proud to announce that on May 27th I ran my first 5 KM.

Takes a bow....


Crossing that mental finish line was one of the proudest moments I have ever had. I never thought in a million years that I would be capable of doing this. The speed in which I improved was astounding and it is not because I am something special....it is just the way we are all built. If I can run 5km almost anyone can.

But instead of stopping at that I think I better strike while the iron's hot and set up a new goal. Today I would like to set the goal of the Terry Fox 10K in September. Again, I am reluctant to think this is possible but without setting up the goal there is nothing to shoot for.

5Km wasn't easy but it certainly wasn't nearly as difficult as I had feared it would be. Not only that, but I discovered that running has  been good for the mind, body and soul. I feel more confident, I feel thinner and I feel better about myself for doing it. It is a HIGH and I recommend it to everyone.