The Baby

Ian is my little boy and, he lights up my life. Oh my how things have changed in the 2+ years since his arrival. Preian (my new word for my life before baby) I had bags of time and nothing to do with it so, I wasted so hours shopping, lounging, cooking and grinding away randomly at life.  Preian I had successfully lost 40 pounds on Weight Watchers and had kept it off for 3 years give or take 5 pounds. I took the time to walk everyday, I took the time to shop for all the right foods, research recipes, cook two meals a regular meal for the man and a low fat version for me. I didn't consider any of this pampering, just life. I wanted to be thinner and this is the way I knew how to do get that done. Then the baby came and everything shifted to the left. But let's back track a bit, let's go back a few years to 2008...

When, at 35, we decided to try for a baby, we knew things might not go according to plan given my age. It took us 5 months to conceive our first pregnancy and we were so over joyed. But...10 weeks in I misscarried. A "blighted ovum" they said..never really there. "Your body thinks it's pregnant so it behaves like it is....but there was no baby" WHAT? I was crushed, I was confused...I mourned and gained 10 pounds.  Within 3 months I was pregnant again...this time around I was so much more reserved, I didn't tell anyone except my mom and a few close friends. I wanted to believe everything was fine but how could I after my first pregnancy. At 11 weeks we found out that there was a baby but that at 8.5 weeks it had stopped growing. This time I was not only confused but scared. I mourned and gained 10 pounds and stopped exercising. Within 3 months I was pregnant again. I was frightened and convinced I was going to have to go through another tragic miscarriage. I prepared for the worst and was never more over joyed when I saw a little flickering heartbeat. From that little flicker on he has lite up my life. The journey to becoming a mom was sad for me but in the end I was blessed with a healthy and happy baby.

Parenthood is not always easy. In fact a lot of the time is is simply exhausting. The rewards of parenting make the experience so worthwhile, little things like the first smile, the first real hug and the first full night sleep since birth. Parenting is an adjustment and one my partner and I are still getting used to. In the first 6 months I was too tired to exercise and that was no excuse. I was struggling a bit with  postpartum, I was heavier then I had ever been and I lacked motivation. Eating and drinking were comforting and I just couldn't find time in my new reality to fit exercise in. A year of maternity leave meant I was right next to the fridge all day long. When I was back at work I had another adjustment period as I settled into my new new routine of a working mother. Once I wasn't in the house everyday and with Ian every minute of everyday I realized quickly that I was regaining some of my independence back. Babies don't stay babies for long and each month brought something new. Sometimes it was freedom like when he began sitting up on his own and didn't need me to prop him; like when he started walking and he didn't need me to carry him from point A to B; like when he began insisting on feeding himself. Some changes brought less freedoms like when he began exploring, opening drawers, pressing buttons, bolting for the back gate, climbing on the couch, needing help but not wanting help. But all in all I was gaining back  "me time" which gave me the incentive I needed to reflect on how horrible I was feeling about myself, weight gain is depressing.

Children also make you realize that you dying just isn't an option. This little life needs you and your absence would leave a hole too big to fix in his or her life. My weight was at a level that was a serious risk to my health and I needed to get control and now before it was too late. Also, the bigger Ian gets the faster he moves. If I want to be a responsible, involved and active parent I need to be able to keep up with him. I need to be lighter, leaner, more agile and , By God, I need to be fast. I'm at the - 30 pound mark and Ian is at the +30 pound mark, we are neck and neck. For every pound I lose I get faster, for every pound (and inch) he gains he gets faster. I am so relieved I am running after my little toddler at the weight and fitness level I am today and NOT the weight I was this time last year.