My progress so far

I started the couch to 5 km program at the end of March, it has been 3 weeks. In the first week I suffered. I lumbered and panted from start to finish. I doubted that I could ever run the 5 km. My expectation at the start was that I was never going to be able to jog 5 km without stopping. Today, I still have lingering doubts but that comes from a life time of convincing myself that I "can't run". But every run I do I wash away a little more of those doubts.  Today, I ran four blocks uninterrupted twice during my run. My walking periods we shorter then my jogging periods and I added a kilometer to my route so I am now jogging/walking for 4.25 KM. It is incredible how quickly the body adapts to an exercise plan. Our bodies are designed to move and we function better when we do. I find I am more alert, I am in a better mood on the days when my muscles are pleasantly sore from an early morning jog.  I find it is FAR more rewarding and the results are SO MUCH FASTER then my diet routine. The diet feels a bit like being deprived where jogging makes me feel proud of myself. If you are reading this and you are wondering if you could do it too....you can. I am still 50 pounds over my ideal body weight and I can do this. I'm not great at it, i'll never win any gold medals but I can still heft this body through the streets like any other jogger out there.

Try it, what have you got to lose???

Here are two great websites to get you started...

www.c25k.com
http://www.mapmyrun.com

Mentally ready

Back in January when I began this weight loss journey I had a lot to learn about how to stay on a healthy diet, how to incorporate exercise into my daily routing, how to balance my responsibilities and maintain my focus. At times this learning curve has been down right brutal. A daily and constant struggle to get my ass out of bed and walk in the middle of winter with the ice and the snow. To not give in to those emotional feastings, to have patience with myself when I can only run a half block instead of the 5 that I want to run. Bottom line is waaay back in January I was, mentally, totally ready to start this process. The idea of being "ready" to start a diet might sound foolish to anyone who doesn't have a weight problem, who can control their portion sizes and LOVES to work out. For those of us who over eat by habit and are lazy by nature changing your ways is like changing boyfriends, having a baby or starting a new job. It is time consuming, it takes discipline, it takes stamina and confidence. If you aren't willing to acknowledge that for the next three months, six months, a year, the rest of your life, you have to eat and move differently...you're sunk. I know this because leading up to my January start, I had tried three times and failed. A big reason why I failed is because I wasn't ready to make time for me. I was a new mommy, I was adjusting to life as a working mother, we had just bought our first home , so many excuses but they were all valid reasons at the time why I wasn't willing ready or, frankly, able to start the diet of a lifetime.

When I was finally ready to do it, I jumped with both feet and so far, so good :-)

The balancing act

Parenthood took my life by storm in 2009. I had worked with children for 12 years and assumed (oh so innocently) that I was going to breeeeeeze into motherhood like a natural. Oh my, how wrong I was.

One of my misguided assumptions was that, at 37, I had lived life and had sewn all of my wild oats. That I would happily give up my independence because I had waited until I was old enough and mature enough not to need any personal time or space. I found out over the course of the next year and a half or so that, in fact, there is no ending point to the need for "me" time. I discovered that I am not a whole person when I don't have alone time.  I don't understand people that say they don't like to be alone with their thoughts, I love it and I missed it dearly. The sleepless nights and coming to terms with the realization that my free time was now a mere fraction of what used to be was the most difficult transition into parenthood for me.

Instead of moving forward with life, I admit it, I sulked, I ate and sulked that I couldn't run to the shops at the drop of a hat. I now had to plan my nights out and I had a packed agenda for every single second of every day, no nights or weekends off. When I decided that it was time to lose weight I jumped into it with both feet. I was excited by the challenge but the exercise part was still a problem, when do I find the time? I started getting up at 5 a.m, an ungodly hour. I was determined that this was what it would take for me to fit the exercise in. An amazing thing happened, I was out on the road, alone, with my thoughts. For the first time since the baby was born I felt that familiar happiness at being on my own...what heaven.

Parenting is really about multitasking. With my C25K I am getting myself on track health-wise AND, bonus, getting the alone time I have been desperate for WIN-WIN

Some days are harder then others

Today has been a challenge to stay on track. It has been hard for a couple of reasons, I have been hungry all day, I have cravings for crap all day and at my weigh in last night I was up a pound...It's the trifecta the physical, the desirable and the depressing. I can handle each on their own but when they gang up on me I am held hostage. Instead of breaking I am trying to rationalize it. One, the physical is easy to solve, just eat a lot of the right things and i'll be fine. Two, cravings can be over come easily too by knowing there will be the feelings of guilt if I cheat on my diet and remembering that it is Thursday and that means in a few short hours I can have those cupcakes if that's what I want...I can hold out a few short hours.  The third is tougher of the three challenges. Disappointments like gaining weight lead to frustration and the idea of "What the hell, I can't do this". It is just a pound but it is just a pound in the wrong direction. It is irrational to lose focus because I gained a little weight this week but my mind has this automatic reflex, when I am mad, sad, discouraged, stressed or whatever, I pacify with a snack.

So the challenge continues, the internal battle rages on...should I eat that chocolate, should I have that banana instead. I will let you know which side wins tomorrow because at this point it is still anyone's game.

6:09 am, the next day....I had a big dinner and held out on the junk food...I made it!

Hard road ahead

Well today was another serious test to my endurance and commitment in terms of my running experience. I was out on the road,  early as per the routine, but this time, unlike any of the past few runs I have had, I experienced something like an asthma attack while on the road. I was about 1/3 into the 60 seconds run, 90 seconds walk cycle when I found I was having a really hard time catching my breath. I was thinking, this is it, this is what's going to make me end this brief but illustrious career as a road warrior. It won't be the early morning wake up call or the bleeding blister on my right heel that has been plaguing me since day one; it won't be the creepy guy in the black hoodie who I noticed TWICE in 20 minutes walking the same stretch of road on one of my runs last week or the brutal pounding my joints have been taking....it will be me, collapsed on the side of the road wheezing and sputtering like some old lady. Instead of giving up, which I am prone to do, I just slowed down my pace, changed my expectations and ran in shorted legs more frequently. Clearly I will need more time to build up my cardio and will adjust my expectations to match what my reality is when it comes to jogging.

Oh, and as far as the early wake up call ...I love it,
The weirdo in the hoodie, I changed my route
The bleeding blisters,  I will OVERCOME...nothing a few Bandaids can't help.
The pounding on the old joints...well we'll just have to play that one by ear.

Weekends!

In 2006 I went on Weight Watchers and lost 40 pounds. I kept the weight off until 2008 and really felt like I would have kept the weight off if it weren't for a very trying time in my life where I fell back on food for comfort. I can look back now, with the benefit of hindsight, and realize that I use food to help cope with difficult situations. As ridiculous as this sounds today, being an over weight person my entire adult life, I really didn't even notice that I ate like that.  Well, maybe I did realize but I didn't care. Today I know better and have to try to steer clear of the giant pitfalls I lay for myself in the path to being a healthier weight. Emotional eaters will always struggle with food as long as there are events, actions, children, relationships, jobs, money (you get the idea), to stress over


One of the tricks I used back in 2006 to maintain my sanity and my focus in order to lose 40 pounds and keep it off for 2 years was to take the weekend off from the careful counting of calories. I restrict the time to 24 hours from Friday night to Saturday night but within those hours I could satisfy all of my cravings and emotional feastings.  I would look forward to Friday so much and found I could hold off cheating during the week because it made the break that much better. I have been using this trick this time around and have lost 20 pounds regardless of having a bottle of wine or  a pancake breakfast between Friday and Saturday. Changing how you eat for life involves making exceptions to your rules. Allowances for parties, nights out, cravings or whatever. My goal is to try to keep those splurges to my Friday to Saturday rule.

Rewarding the successes as they come along.

Today I reached my first goal in this process, my first 20 pounds gone...takes a moment, pats self on back, takes a bow. As caught up as I can get on focusing on the finish line I think I MUST acknowledge my successes by rewarding myself along the way. So, as a reward for reaching this goal I have decided to commission an on-line caricature artist to make a personalized Avatar, me as a sexy baker. I feel this would be a fitting homage to the process that got me to the point of needing to get fit again hahaha.


According to Weight Watchers you have to find rewards that don't include food. At first I was like "Commme on now...there is nothing better them my eats". But, I took their advice and really applied myself to coming up with fitting rewards for hitting my goals that DON'T involve lovely food or beverages. The Avatar is one idea. Another is getting a new hair cut, or leaving up a picture on Facebook that I don't particularly like and rewarding myself with changing that picture once I have reached my goal. I have also thought of booking my folks for a few hours on a Saturday afternoon of babysitting and just relaxing, alone, by the water with a good book. For the really small rewards I will post on Facebook or Twitter about what I have achieved and have gotten so much positive feedback that it really does feel like a reward.

My twitter today
"I might not have reached anyone's ideal but I am my perfect right now"